I want to start with you imagining a situation of you going on a first date, or you going for an interview in a new work place. The first thing that should come into your mind is first impression, right? We all want to look good and as if things are better than ever. Why? Because we are selling ourselves.
The problem begins when we keep pretending longer and longer into the relationship. We hold on to the perfect image we’ve created and we don’t let ourselves really open up and be real. We start feeling uncomfortable around people because we’re wondering “only if they knew… what would they say?”, “If they really knew me, would they still like, or hire me?”
Our greatest wish is that people would really know us, and we wouldn’t have to pretend or lie to cover up the truth. We are afraid that if people really knew all of our colors, they wouldn’t like us for who we are. We feel that putting up a “perfect” show is better than rejection.
The solution is very simple.
The only way for us, or for anyone else, to be really loved is to expose ourselves and open up. That fear of rejection is the beginning of the greatest scam of all. It will lead to an endless pretense. You can break that vicious circle and all you have to do is to be vulnerable.
We are all messed up. We all have flaws. No one is perfect, and yet we all try to present ourselves in the best light, and hide our scars. Even though we are all the same, we are putting up a show as a defense mechanism.
The level of intimacy and closeness that we’ll get to experience in our relationships is determined by the level of our honesty and rawness. We want close relationships but we are afraid that people will use what we share against us. This scenario is really an option, but it shouldn’t stop you from choosing love over fear every time.
If we’ll be able to do that and really take the leap of faith and risk it by opening up, we will witness something beautiful. Most people will be glad to know that we are human too, and they will be relieved. They will be relieved because they are dealing with the same fears or something similar, and now we inspired and encouraged them to open up and share as well. Together we will witness the fragility of the human creature, and that is the beauty of it.
The more we will share our weaknesses and struggles, the more people will feel comfortable around us and moreover to talk to us.
For us to deal with our demons and the darkness within, we have to light it up. One way to do it, is to show this side of us to someone else. Through the loving responses of people, we will learn how to embrace this side of us, and it will no longer be an open wound we can’t bear the idea of dealing with it.
Personally, I would prefer being rejected for who I really am, rather than loved for what I am not.