This is not another post about letting go of the past or letting it teach you. Nope.
I don’t remember my past.
I have a blank space in my memory. Not because of an accident or a condition, no…
It is because the minute I woke up a new me was born. I raised from the dead.
I realized I wasn’t alive, so of course I have no memories. I was dead, but still walking.
I had friends, I come from a good home, I never lacked anything and school was kind of a breeze – on paper everything was perfect. But still… something wasn’t working.
I was born more sensitive than others, and many things, especially new experiences, terrified me to death.
So I ended up doing nothing.
I never had a girlfriend, never had hobbies, and never had a job… Don’t even mention speaking in front of people, Hell no. I was hiding from life… You know, just in case.
My introverted self did anything he could to keep my shit together; or in other words – comfort zone.
One day, around the age of 19, I decided that enough is enough. I found the courage to break down all of my belief system which was all about me not being good enough; me being weak.
I was so thirsty for a drop of change that I started immediately.
I questioned everything around me – what I was thinking and what others were saying. I had to research about every little thing because I knew that people have the tendency to talk without really knowing. They are talking for the sake of saying something. Everything that somebody said to me was merely an opinion. What if he is scared and that is his interpretation to the situation? What if he failed and now he thinks that that’s how things are?
I refused to accept someone else’s victim mentality. I wanted to win and I knew that I have to find the way. I knew that it is time to take responsibility and be proactive. Anything and anyone that wasn’t resourceful on my journey, was out of the window.
I used my sensitivity as a radar to see what is right for me.
Now that I am awake and I can say ‘No’ or ‘ I don’t want to’, I am not afraid.
I am not afraid to die, because I was already dead.
So yeah… I have no memories of my childhood and middle-school, but I have vision for my future and this is service to others.
My destiny is to WAKE YOU UP!